Hindu dharma is implicitly at odds with monotheistic intolerance. What is happening in India is a new historical awakening... Indian intellectuals, who want to be secure in their liberal beliefs, may not understand what is going on. But every other Indian knows precisely what is happening: deep down he knows that a larger response is emerging even if at times this response appears in his eyes to be threatening.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

A Satire on Indian Pseudo-secularism

By Vishal Agarwal

(with Secularism Ji ki Arati)

SIGNED: Teesta Seetalvad, Father Cedric Prakash, John Dayal, Maulana Wahiuddin, Comrade Romila Thapar, Comrade D. N. Jha, Comrade R. S. Sharma, Jawed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Darryl D’Monte, Dilip D’Souza, Dileep Simeon, Comrade AnandPatwardhan, Father Valson Thampu, Seema Mustafa, Justice Tarkunde, Ram Puniyani, Comrade K. N. Pannikar, Harbans Mukhia, Shahi Imam Bukhari, Syed Shahabuddin, Comrade N. Ram, Comrade Praful Bidwai, Comrade Amulya Ganguli, Ashghar Ali Engineer, Rafique Zakaria, M. J. Akbar, Maulana ABC, Father XYZ, Comrade MNO and 108 other secularists.

We, the concerned Indian Secular Intellectuals (ISI) of the Secular People's Republic of India believe that the destruction of the Babri Masjid was truly a cataclysmic event that has now robbed Hinduism of innocence for all times to come. It has now demolished, more resoundingly than that structure, the false notion that Hinduism is or ever was tolerant. The event has only vindicated the great Secular Eminent Historian (E. H.) Romila Thapar's thesis that the notion of 'tolerant Hinduism' is only a myth. After all, the fascist Hindus have earlier destroyed thousands of Buddhist and Jaina and Animist shrines, setting a strong precedent for later, similar acts of egalitarian Muslim rulers of India. When the Muslim rulers were destroying temples, they were only following a precedent set up by Hindus. They were also replacing the fascist, totalitarian Smriti with the egalitarian Sharia, as proved by the secular historian Mohammad Habib.

In fact, so thorough were the actions of fascist Hindus in the past that they have not left any literary and archaeological trace of the destruction of these Stupas, Jaina temples and Animist Shrines. But we are sure that the Hindus did all this in ancient times, several centuries ago. However we also concur with Western Indologists that Hinduism and Hindus are themselves a modern construct of the 19th century and therefore did not exist before then. In contrast to fascist Hindus, the secular Muslim rulers practiced sound environmentalism by recycling the temple parts into their secular mosques. By incorporating temple parts into mosques, they have demonstrated their commitment to a pluralist society and respect for diversity.

Secularist Mani Shankar Aiyer had stated in the Indian Parliament that the remnants of the displaced Hindu Vishvanath temple embedded in the walls of the Gyanavapi Aurangzebi mosque at Varanasi are a symbol of our beautiful composite culture and represent Islam and Hinduism in embrace.

The great secular Eminent Historian D. N. Jha had declared that when Hindus started worshipping cows around 300 AD, they sowed the seeds of modern day communalism. We argue that Valmiki sowed the seeds of Hindu fascism much earlier. The incident of Babri demolition should clinch any dithering on this matter. Therefore, in the interests of our secular polity, Ramayana should be banned. T V serials like Ramayana and Mahabharata not only promote puerile superstitions and undermine the scientific temper of secular India, they also promote Hindu chauvinism. Therefore, all such serials should be banned, particularly because Doordarshan cannot show serials on Prophet Muhammad.

Many of us had vowed that if the fascist, Hindu Nationalist Party BJP comes to power, we would leave India. But now we have changed our minds and want to stay back. This change is not because we continue to enjoy government largesse and have compromised with the fascist forces, but because we want to spend time in educating Indians by organizing morchas, bandhs, dharnas, by writing apologias for Hurriyat conference and Taliban leaders, attending Urdu Mushairas with Pakistanis at 5 Star Hotels and gobbling shahi paneer and murga massallams, making free govt. paid trips to Lahore, and holding the Indian parliament to ransom over the rise of Hindu fascism. In fact, many of us like N. Ram, K N Pannikar and Romila Thapar do spend a lot of time abroad alerting people about rising fascism in India.

The destruction of the great Babri Masjid might not have split India, as predicted earlier by our Theory, but it has certainly vivisected Hindus and Muslim minds, which co-existed in perfect secular bliss and harmony before that. After the Day of Judgment (6 December 1992), there were fortunately great secular upsurges. Secular Muslim intellectuals erased 450 communal Hindu structures in India, 200 in Bangladesh, 100 in Pakistan, 22 in Great Britain and 1 at Toronto (Canada).

Our secular predictions that Hindu fascists will take revenge on hapless minorities, and thus repeat history have come true. The Hindu fanatics indeed repeated history and enslaved millions of minority members and exported them to Central Asia and the Middle East. They imposed Jaziyah tax on 'Mlecchas', raped their women, destroyed thousands of mosques, burnt thousands of 'mleccha' scriptures, destroyed secular Madrassaas and seminaries, forcibly converted several thousand/nay millions of minority community members whom they called now 'mlecchas' (because the 'mlecchas' had called them 'kafirs'). To 'defend' their agglomeration of gutter and animist cults called 'Hinduism', the xenophobic, fanatical, revisionist, revanchist, majoritarian, totalitarian, autocratic, crass, crude, parochial, feudal, racist, misogynist, anti-Dalit, anti-minority, chauvinist, Nazi (phew! Saying all these words gives so much instant relief to our secular minds) Hindu fascists invaded all lands from Spain to India - just like the secular Arabs did immediately after the death of the great Prophet to defend egalitarian Islam.

In fact, it is because of the destruction of the Babri Masjid that the oppressed Talibans were forced to destroy the Buddhist statues in Afghanistan. Have they not said so already? We agree with them. Imam Bukhari of Jama Masjid also stated that he will intervene on this matter provided the fascist BJP government returns the Babri Masjid to Muslims. Again, we agree with him, just as we have always. In fact, it is because of the destruction of Babri Masjid in 1992, that the Muslim secularists drove out the Hindus of Kashmir in 1989, destroyed 50 Hindu temples in 1980's and created Pakistan in 1947. Therefore, although we cannot guarantee that the Masjid will be rebuilt at the very spot, we will nevertheless disrupt the proceedings of the Parliament every year in December to prove that we are 'More Secular than Thou'.

It is because of the Babri demolition and the Nuclear blasts by the fascist Hindu nationalists, that Pakistan invaded Kargil. The Hindu fascist storm troopers and jingoists then actually had the cunning to launch their blitzkrieg at Kargil to push these egalitarian forces into Pakistan! It is because of the Babri Masjid demolition that the Mumbai riots took place. It is because of the Babri Masjid demolition that the secular Muslim underworld leaders blasted bomb at Mumbai. It is all the fault of Hindus.

Hindus should not now take revenge because Hinduism teaches forgiveness and the equality of all religions. Hinduism teaches that this world is an illusion. So why crib over the destruction of a few temples here and there. But most important, Hinduism teaches non-violence. As Mahatma Gandhi had told Hindus in Pakistan: “It is better to stay there and die to the last man, than to evenresist your Muslim attackers. By sacrificing your lives meekly for the sake of non-violence, Hindus will add great prestige to their religion”. We might beSecular Hindus ourselves, or might not be Hindus at all, but we consider it out duty to remind you of your traditions. Therefore, by raising your voices against imaginary atrocities on Hindus, do not re-invent Hinduism and destroy your religion.

We should learn from the secular example of Maulana Wahiuddin. When asked to pray for the Indian soldiers fighting at Kargil, he refused; under the pretext that he cannot pray for people who are fighting the Muslims. In reality, he did not want to side with the Hindu nationalist government who was fighting with our neighbors, instead of striking peace with them. This is why secular leaders Soniaji and Priyankaji went for the Maulana’s funeral later, to express theirsupport for the cause of secularism in India.

We, as secular, liberal and neutral historians, had earlier warned that all this will happen if our infallible truth (that there was no temple beneath the Babri mosque) is not propagated and forced down the throats of RSS fascists. Even if there were a temple there, it had only probably displaced a pre-existing Buddhist Stupa. So what if there is no proof of the Stupa? You cannot equate our infallible assertions with the 200 artifacts of some temple found beneath the mosque after its demolition, because these artifacts are either fabrications or clearly are pilfered items from museums of Beijing, Havana and Calcutta. We have explained these two points in great detail in our party organ Frontline with the help of Harvard scholar Michael Witzel. So, do not blame us for this mess. If only Narasimha Rao had emulated the secular hero Maulana Mulayam Singh Yadav, and had ordered the police to mow down the thousands of Hindutva fascists at Ayodhya who were chanting fascist slogans like 'Jai Siya Ram', this communal upsurge could have been stopped.

And do not even dare to compare the destruction of Babri Masjid with the demolition of thousands of temples in the world by Muslims. Do not even mention the ethnic cleansing of Hindus from Kabul to Srinagar. All these were caused by Hindu cunning, and none of these events is more heinous than the destruction of the Babri Masjid. The murder of Graham Staines is a close second. All other crimes in India are not even a distant third. Besides, don't you know that you could promote Hindu communalism and fascism by even mentioning the destruction of temples at Kashmir? Knowing this, if you protest against the destruction of temples or killings of Hindus anywhere and anytime, you become a de-facto dirty Hindu fascist and Hindu Talibans, and we can charge you with carrying out with public amputations, of subjugating women, of abetting international terrorism, of sheltering Osama like terrorists and of carrying out airplane hijackings. In any case, all Hindu organizations are Talibans of India. They are all Fascists.

We agree that two wrongs do not make one right. But then, why are you being presumptuous in condemning Taliban’s actions as wrong without considering thatthey have been driven to desperation by the Capitalist West. The West is hypocritical because it never cared to save the dying Afghans caught in the crossfire between Talibans and its misogynist, revanchist, autocratic, fanatical enemies. Neither should you bring in the question of Kashmiri Hindus here. Did not one of the secularists prove earlier that the Pandits are the ones who created a communal crisis in the valley by sucking up to fascist Jagmohan and leaving the secular Kashmir valley en masse? Nor can you compare the destruction of the great Babri with the supposed destruction of countless temples in the world. First, and most important, Babri is Babri. Its destruction cannot be compared to the alleged destruction of any temple. Secondarily, there could be economic or political motives at work in the alleged destruction of temples, as shown by Western academic Richard Eaton on our party organ (‘Frontline’)whereas, the demolition of Babri Masjid was clearly the handiwork of fascists, fanatics, anti-Dalit, anti-Minority, revanchist, totalitarian, majoritarian, khakhi knickerwallas. In any case, we reiterate again that any attempts to brow beat the Talibans without looking at the larger secular picture is only promoting Hindutva fascism and lands the critic into the camp of fascists.

And so what if secular Secular scholar Iravatham Mahadevan had also asserted that there was a temple beneath the mosque? He has so far not equated the animist, primitive, bucolic Vedic culture with the Harappan culture. Therefore he remains a secularist. If he were to change his opinion tomorrow and say that the Vedic culture and Harappan Culture were one, then we will label him a communal saffronist. Do you not remember what we did to B. B. Lal, the doyen of Indian archaeology? He might have 'Lal' (= red) as his surname, but we made him 'saffronist' as soon as he rejected the Aryan Invasion Theory and also said that a temple existed at the site of the mosque. We might have quoted his writings approvingly earlier, but now all of them are rejected, and labeled 'saffronist and communal' retrospectively.

So these are the two litmus tests to decide whether you are a secularist or whether you are a fanatic/reactionary/revisionist/feudal/bigot/narrow minded/ revanchist/communal/cow belter BIMARU/ Upper Caste chauvinist Hindu fascist (especially Brahmin-Bania type)-

1. Your stance on the Aryan Invasion Theory and,

2. Your stance on Babri (pronounced similar to the 'Rabri', the spouse of the secular hero Laloo who stopped fascist Advani’s Japanese Toyota van christenedas 'Ratha').

And this is how we should interpret the results of the Litmus test for deciding if a person is communal or if he is secular-

1. If your color changes from an indifferent, cold blue to a livid, secular LEFTIST red whenever the name Babri masjid is uttered, you are a secularist.

2. And whenever your RIGHT-eous red of indignation changes to a cold, indifferent blue at the mention of the expulsion of Kashmiri Hindus from Kashmir, you are a secularist again.

Last but not the least, we want to warn our innocent and gullible secular countrymen to be wary of these peddlers of hate who come in various guises. These Nazi Hindus can go to any extent to hide their real faces. To refurbish their international image, these fascists have been feed 50,000 homeless victims of the Kutch earthquake since 26 January 2001. These angels of death have rescued 1500 injured from below the debris. These pyromaniac Hindu Nazis have cremated 2000 corpses, probably because they have a lot of practice from incinerating Christian priests and other minority community members every now and then in gas chambers. We could have also done all this work in a secular way. For instance, we organized mass funds collection drives in Kolkata to support Cuba and Comrade Fidel Castro when his country was being besieged by Capitalist, Imperialist United States. This time however, most of us decided not to waste our precious time at Kutch. Instead, we have gone all over the world, and have spoken to the International press on the anti-Dalit, anti-Minority and fascist nature of these pretenders, fascists, Nazi Hindu fanatics.

Down with Hindu Nazis! Down with Fascists!

To promote Secularism, we must sing the following secular Bhajans everyday 5 times a day facing Beijing or Islamabad--

Secularism Ji ki Arati

OM (Only Marxist)

NRam naam ras lijiye manuva, NRam naam ras lijiye|
Tajiye ku-Sangh, SAHMAT sung baithiye,
Romila bhajan nish-din kijiye||

Hindustan, Pakistan ka cheraa |
Kijiye secular hridaya mein deraa ||

Sunahum NRam, ab kahahun niketaa,
Jahaan basahun, Romila Thapar Sametaa |

Marx hi nivedit, bhojana karahin,
Secular prasaad laal vastra dharahin||

Kar nit karahin, Namboodirpad Puja,
Soniya bharosey hridaya nahin duujaa|
Charan Beijing teerath chali jaahin|
Secularism basahun, tinakey man maahin||

Jai Jai Jai Romila Maayi, Dayaa karo Soniya ki Naayi |
West Bengal ik secular samaaju, JNU hi teeratharaaju ||

Sarve santu secularists,
sarve Hindu mrtyumayaaH |
Sarve red pustakani pasyantu,
Maa kaschit saffronist bhavet ||

Laal rang, laali lasai, bhagavaa dhvajaa giray koop |
Laloo Mullu Yadav sahit, Hindu dharam par kooch ||

Jai Jai kaar:
Pakistan ki jai ho, Hindustan ka naash ho |
Minorities mein sadbhaavaa ho, secularists ka kalyaan ho ||

Marx suta Jyoti Basu ki jai !
Bolo Romila Thapar ki Jai!
Jai Jai Shabana Samarth

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